“I worry about how others see me at work.” “I find myself constantly reading my boss’s expressions.”
Do you blame yourself for being “mentally weak”? Actually, caring about others’ opinions is an instinctive psychological mechanism humans developed for survival.
This article explains the psychological mechanisms behind being swayed by others’ evaluations and offers ways to stabilize your self-assessment.
1. Perceiving “Others’ Opinions = Your Worth” Is a Survival Strategy
Humans are “social animals” who have survived since ancient times by cooperating within groups.
In the harsh environments of the past, isolation from the group meant death.
- The desire to be recognized
An instinct to secure one’s place by being needed by others. - Practical benefits and self-esteem
Especially in the workplace, superiors hold the authority to grant raises and promotions.
High praise from a superior not only provides economic benefits (practical gains) but also greatly satisfies the self-esteem that comes from thinking, “I am competent.”
Some people only work hard in front of their boss, which in a way can be seen as a survival strategy to “efficiently gain recognition.”
2. People with low self-esteem tend to depend on “others’ words”
When someone says, “I get too tired worrying about what others think,” low self-esteem is often the underlying cause.
Self-esteem should be cultivated from within, but people with extremely low self-esteem seek external validation (others’ opinions) to affirm themselves.
- Filling the Emotional Void
Unconsciously, we try to compensate for our “inadequate self-esteem” through praise from others. - The Impact of Complexes
The stronger one’s feelings of inferiority, the more they tend to frantically seek others’ approval, becoming easily elated or disheartened.
Other people’s opinions are like water—they come and go.
If you rely on them too much, your self-worth will constantly be swayed by others’ moods.
3. The Psychology Behind Ego Searching and the “Need for Self-Confirmation”
“Ego searching”—checking your own reputation online—is also a classic example of behavior driven by concern over others’ opinions.
This stems from a psychological need called the “need for self-confirmation.”
What is the desire for self-affirmation?
The desire to confirm whether the self-image one holds of oneself matches the self-image others perceive.
Interestingly, people who search for themselves online aren’t necessarily “self-loathing.”
Rather, it’s a psychological urge similar to looking in a mirror—they want to see how the world reacts to the version of themselves they adore.
Those with truly rock-bottom self-esteem tend to avoid looking up information about themselves altogether, fearing it will hurt them.
Summary: To move beyond others’ opinions
Caring about others’ opinions isn’t inherently bad.
It’s proof you’re trying to adapt to society.
But if it causes you distress, consciously try these steps:
- Accept that “caring about evaluation is instinctive.”
- Detach yourself from others’ opinions (especially those of superiors), recognizing they represent only “one perspective.”
- Accumulate small successes and cultivate your own “inner evaluation” to acknowledge yourself.
By shifting your focus from “what others think” to “who you want to be,” you’ll cultivate a resilient confidence that isn’t swayed by the opinions of those around you.
